The Secret Life Of Major Thytos

Posted on Apr 03, 2017 @ 2:37am by Captain Kassandra Thytos
Edited on on Apr 03, 2017 @ 2:37am

Mission: In Place of God

"The Secret Life of Major Thytos"

(Cont. Last Looks)

* * *=(/\)=* * *

Location: USS PHOENIX

Stardate: 2.170402.2214

Scene: The Vulgar Tribble, Deck 10

It was past the lunch rush when Jake walked into the Vulgar Tribble, and very nearly deserted. He scoped out the bar, but Iphie didn’t seem to be there, much to his relief. He hadn’t particularly wanted to tangle with her, but at the same time going back to his apartment seemed so… Lonely. He wasn’t even properly sure what to do. Purge the rooms of everything that reminded him of Xana? Recycle the sheet so the bed didn’t smell of her? Or did he gather everything together and wallow in his bruised emotions.

At any rate, eating alone in his quarters definitely wasn’t on the table. He looked around the room again, hoping to find someone to eat with so he didn’t have to stew in his own thoughts. A sudden flash of red hair from the bar caught his attention. Kassandra Thytos was seated at the edge of the bar, smoking and exhaling the fumes into the scrubber vent just over her head, munching on a sandwich of some sort. Jake approached the free seat next to her, and sat down.

“No,” Kassandra said.

“Sorry, the seat is taken?” Jake began to get up, but she reached over and pushed his shoulder none too gently, and shoved him back down.

“Ain’t taken, but no, you can’t talk to me about the Former Missus Perfect 10, cos you ain’t desperate enough to be askin’ me for any relationship or life advice,” Kassandra said as she politely stubbed her cigarette out.

“I wasn’t going to-” Jake began to protest.

“Yes you were. That you’re stewin’ is written all over your face. The subject would come up,” Kassandra sounded amused. Jake considered this. She was probably right.

“Okay, I won’t. But why wouldn’t you be the person to ask about it, I mean, I figure you must have lots of experience- what’s this for?” Jake asked as she shoved a spoon into his hand.

“An implement to help you dig that hole you’re workin’ on,” she was definitely laughing at him inwardly now. “You were about to imply either that I’m old and wise, or that I git myself around. An’ as a matter of point, I aint got no experience in relationships, leastways not the type you’re interested in. Come ta me when you need to know how to juggle several partners, or forty ways to get yourself dumped when you find out yer bedmates are startin’ to think that you an’ them are gonna be forever.”

“Wait- you’ve never actually been in a relationship with anyone?” Jake was surprised. Kassandra hadn’t struck him as particularly flighty, or unable to commit to something. In fact she always seemed a little bit too intensely loyal in a way that gave him an uneasy feeling like she’d take a phaser blast for anyone with very little questions asked.

“No, never. I mean, don’t get me wrong, there’s people I’ve been sleepin’ with on and off for years. Horatio, my gunny, for example, though obviously not right now as that would be unprofessional. But it ain’t ever been exclusive, an it ain’t ever been nothing but friends with bennies.” Kassandra’s tone was frank and unashamed, though Jake got the impression she was carefully scrutinizing him to gauge his reaction.

“That’s a lonely way to live, Tannenbaum. The universe is already cold and indifferent, and constantly reminding us of how insignificant we are. Anything that makes it less cold, and makes us feel less insignificant is a good thing,” Jake shook his head, feeling a sense of not exactly pity for the Marine. “Relationships mean having someone who you know is going to always be in your corner.”

“So people who like havin’ them say, but from where I’m sittin’, ain’t no one more critical of you than your own spouse or significant other, ain’t anyone more often up against you in the opposite corner than them neither,” Kassandra took a bite of her sandwich, indelicately speaking around some sort of green shreddy things. She winced, evidently she wasn’t fond of the taste. Jake raised an eyebrow. “Iffy the barkeep said that my eating habits are, and I quote ‘deplorable and utterly devoid of nutritional content’ and when I suggested I’d just eat a pack of rations to make sure I was gettin’ all my vitamins and such, I was summarily handed this horrible thing here: A sandwich with smashed chicken pee salad with microscopic greens, which by the by aren’t microscopic at all, and peas toes dressing. She said she wouldn’t be givin’ me any more drinks if I don’t eat it.”

“Basically she told you to eat your vegetables?” Jake was absolutely certain she’d gotten pretty much the whole description wrong, but he didn’t argue.

“Yeah. Which brings me to another reason why I don’t do relationships- soon as two people are in one, they all of a sudden start expectin’ the other person to change, or trynna make ‘em change. All of a sudden the things you do ain’t good enough, and you gotta change your ways, even though it was perfectly fine with them when they started gettin’ involved.”

“Once you really love someone you want them to be the best version of themselves, you want to help them overcome their shortcomings, and grow. That’s a wonderful thing about relationships: The way they improve you, the way they inspire you to be better.” Jake ordered himself a sandwich from one of the Bynars.

“Change comes from within, not from someone naggin’ you. If I’ve spent several decades a bein’ me doing somethin’ one way, you’ve got no cause to get upset when I continue to do the same thing in the same way. Weren’t like this was somethin’ coming out of the blue. Which leads me to my next point, which is that seems to me there ain’t no earthly reason to codify one’s ‘relationship’ with another bein’ unless you want ta use it to control the other person. Everything’s hunky dory, until someone decides it’s a relationship, then alla sudden, they try to dictate where the other goes, who they go out with, an’ try to make unreasonable demands on the others time and emotions, and lay all sorta unreasonable expectations on another,” Kassandra said, waving the sandwich in her hand around expressively. “Why should I suddenly be forced to be the thing someone depends on for happiness? Find your own damn happiness, I say. An’ who the hell are they to suddenly to demand to know what I’m thinkin’ anyway? If I thought they oughta know, I woulda said somethin’ in the first place. Why shouldn’t I go out when I please, where I please, with whom I please? Why should I be expected to pass up my dream assignments all on accounta another person? I shouldn’t have to make myself miserable in order to please someone else.”

“You’re not describing a relationship, you’re describing a *bad* relationship,” Jake bit into his own sandwich, and chewed slowly, thinking of Xana. Kassandra said nothing, waiting for him to continue. Her blue eyes stared past him in their usual manner but for some reason he thought she looked wistful, almost melancholy, but he dismissed it because it didn’t seem very in character. “But you’re literally just thinking about the bad parts, not the good parts, like having someone to comfort you when you have a bad day, or someone who’ll bail you out of trouble when you need it, with no expectation of payback. Not to mention someone who knows what you’re thinking and what you need or want almost before you do. It’s nice, it makes everything feel like it has a purpose.” Kassandra’s face quickly changed to skepticism, and she raised an eyebrow at him. “All I’m saying is that It’s a two way street, Tannenbaum, give and take, both people should be getting what they need out of it, and when they don’t, it’s not functioning properly.”

“Oh yeah? And what then? Cos as far as I can tell, it’s basically just you an’ the other person hangin’ around and hating each other until someone meets someone else,” Kassandra poked the crust of her sandwich to the end of the plate, and picked up the pickle spear, eying it suspiciously.

“Sometimes that just means the relationship’s run its course. One of the most difficult things about a relationship is knowing when it’s doing more harm than good and it’s over,” Jake couldn’t help but wondering exactly whose relationships Kassandra had been witness to that had given her such a dire impression of the whole undertaking.

“An’ then it’s the cryin’, and the screamin’ and the months of sulkin’,” Kassandra said dismissively. “Seen it enough with the Twins. Can’t say whatever happiness they got seemed worth it.”

“It is worth it,” Jake said forcefully. Then more slowly. “It was worth it.”

Kassandra looked over at him with a half grin and the clapped him on the shoulder roughly.

“I’ll just leave you here to marvel at how neatly I pulled that one off,” she said casually, cramming the pickle into her mouth. “But relationships are still for chumps. Now if you excuse me, Perfect 10, I gotta go punch someone in the face.”

* * *=(/\)=* * *

Scene: Gymnasium, Saucer Section, Deck 10

“She’s going to try to punch you in the face.” Silsby said it to Jasmine casually, as though it was a perfectly normal statement one might utter during the course of the day.

“I beg your pardon?” Jasmine stared at her assistant quizzically. They were in the middle of hand to hand drills with some of the more junior security staff teaching them the ‘unsanctioned’ moves and techniques of street brawling. The man cocked his head to one side, indicating the group of Marines that had just entered the gym.

“The Major. The tiny one with red hair? She’s going to try to punch you in the face. Well, I’m pretty sure she won’t actually make contact, but she’s going to swing at you,” Silsby repeated.

“...Why?” Jasmine was now downright confused. She’d met the woman briefly, albeit in holographic form, during the holodeck malfunction and she hadn’t thought she’d said or done anything to insult or anger the Marine.

“Oh, no reason really. I think she just wants to test you mostly, see how much respect you’re owed, what type of person you are. Kass puts a lot of stock into fighting as a measure of a person.”

“You friends with the Major?” Jasmine raised an eyebrow at the man. She’d heard that before her, the Marines and Security had had very tense relations, although if anyone were able to overcome that obstacle she was not surprised that it was Silsby.

“Not friends exactly. Drinking buddies, more. She was nice to me when I was having trouble getting acclimatized to dealing with, uh, core worlders. Plus I don’t have to watch my manners or mouth as much around her and she understands what it’s like to feel out of place among lots of people with lots of learning,” he added as an afterthought.

“So why are you tattling on your buddy?” Jasmine was still bemused, but couldn’t resist teasing Silsby.

“I’m not *tattling* I just… I want you to make us look good! Plus if you put on a good showing, she’ll respect you, and so will the Marines, which makes all our lives easier. So, uh, you know. No pressure, but give her as good as you get. Here she comes. We’re rooting for you!” Silsby backed up a few steps as the Marine came swaggering over.

“I’ve reserved this gym, so y’all can clear off,” Major Thytos said, taking up a broad ‘power pose’ stance that might have been intimidating if the Major hadn’t been a good handspan shorter than Jasmine. Her blue eyes stared vacantly somewhere off in the distance behind Jasmine.

“Oh? It wasn’t reserved when we came in,” Jasmine retorted. Remembering Silsby’s words, she kept her weight light on the balls of her feet, ready to snap into action.

“I just reserved it. Right now. Git gone.”

“That’s not how reservations work,” Jasmine pointed out, recognizing this banter for what it was, the macho muscle flexing typical of her line of work. She tried not to smile, knowing that the Marine might not take it kindly and turn her test into something a bit more personal. “The point of them is to let people know in advance that you’re going to need a space, so they don’t schedule something or the same time.”

“Well, the computer let me do it, so I’d say it doesn’t matter how it’s supposed to work. I got the gym now. Skedaddle,” Kassandra smiled back smugly in a most provoking manner.

“Make me.” Jasmine played along, shifting her hands to her hips. Kassandra’s fist came out of nowhere, but Jasmine was ready. She neatly stepped to the outside of the Marine’s punch and blocked the punch. As she blocked she wrapped her pinkie and ring finger around the woman’s wrist and made a sharp tugging motion, causing the woman to over extend as her forward motion and speed was unexpectedly augmented by Jasmine’s pull. Jasmine took advantage of her momentary lack of balance, and picked her back foot up to sweep the woman’s legs out from under her. The Marine pitched forward and hit the mats with a woof, before rolling onto her back.

“You warned her, ya fink,” Kassandra said tilting her head back to look accusingly at Silsby.

“Sorry Kass, but-” Silsby gestured to the Security colors on his uniform. She grunted, seemingly indicating that she was not truly upset.

“You know, if you wanted a test match, you could have just asked,” Jasmine walked up towards the woman, and offered her a hand. The woman accepted, and Jasmine hauled her to her feet.

“Nah. If I’d done that, you’d have expected it, and then I wouldn’t get to see how you actually fight. You’da tried to be all fancy, it’s better this way.” Kass’s hand had lingered in Jasmine’s a moment longer than was strictly polite, but not quite long enough for Jasmine to realize Kassandra was up to something. Suddenly the bottom half of the woman’s body pivoted, and she pulled Jasmine’s arm tight across her chest, forcing Jasmine to step in close. Kassandra twisted again and Jasmine went flying over her hip in a neat arc towards the floor. Jasmine hit with a smack, muscle memory and her training kicked in, and she used the kinetic energy of the throw to roll herself forward and to her feet. She caught Kassandra’s incoming punch and deflected it, giving her a moment to regain her balance. They traded a few more blows which allowed Jasmine more time to gauge Kassandra’s style.

The Marine definitely believed in functional- her movements were all purposeful with no flourish or wasted movements, no extra motion or exaggeration where none was needed- and she was a very close range fighter. Probably because of her height, Jasmine guessed, which gave her a disadvantage at range since most opponents were much taller, and an advantage close in where opponents’ strikes couldn’t reach full power. Her stances and movements were blocky, choosing only to deflect a hit enough that it would cause no damage, rather than trying to avoid it altogether, or taking a punch if it would put her in a better position to hit back.

Jasmine settled on fighting by quick hits and retreats, though it was not as efficient as she’d have liked because the other woman seemed to have a preternatural sense of when Jasmine would be coming in for a flurry of attacks, and was remarkably adept at slipping a fist or a knee past Jasmine’s guard at just the right moment.

Jasmine went in for a kick to the head, just as Kassandra suddenly went on the offensive, slipping closer to Jasmine and stopping the kick by grabbing her thigh, while hooking and pulling her supporting leg with her foot, sending them both down to the ground. Kassandra had been ready for this and she was quickly straddling Jasmine, one hand grabbing the neck of Jasmine’s gi and using the edge of it to choke her, aided by Kassandra’s forearm.

The Marine evidently expected Jasmine to tap out, but Jasmine wasn’t quite ready for that, and she went for Kassandra’s free hand, grabbing her wrist with her opposite hand and snaking her other arm behind Kassandra’s elbow, putting her into an arm lock. Kassandra looked momentarily surprised, then amused, and she let go of Jasmine’s collar. Jasmine let go of her wrist and Kassandra stood, offering Jasmine an assist up. Jasmine accepted, and stood. The Marine surveyed her from top to bottom than turned around towards her Marines, who were standing mixed in with the Security Officers, watching.

“You’ll do,” Kassandra said, not looking at Jasmine, who wasn’t sure if she was being addressed, or if she’d said ‘Yu’ll do’ or it was a bad pun. “Alright Marines. What are you standin’ around lookin’ at? Scarper back to the Bin. No main corridors, no turbolifts. Last one to the barracks is on exercise gear launderin’ duty, so git like you don’t wanna be collecting a couple dozen jock straps for the next week!”

Kassandra turned, did a two fingered half salute to Jasmine, and then bolted out the door after her Marines.

“Yes. She’s always that strange,” Silsby said to Jasmine’s unspoken question. Procter snorted.

* * *=(/\)=* * *

Location: Jeffries tubes, somewhere between saucer deck 10, and drive deck 28

Cantor Von was wandering through jeffries tubes again, though this time it wasn’t for his own enjoyment. Someone had scheduled a large amount of the jeffries tubes, vertical access shafts, and maintenance ducts as off limits, and he couldn’t for the life of him figure out why. Byte would have know, it was the one who had put it all into the database, but Von had told it to take some personal time off, and not to answer andy work calls, and the android had apparently taken it very literally, and was unreachable. Engineering said it wasn’t them, science too, and so, mystified, Von had gone into the areas to see who was working there. So far, he hadn’t seen or heard hide nor hair of anyone.

**Doop! Doopdoopdoop! Doop doop bwoooooooong! It's the eye of the tiger, it's the thrill of the fight rising up to the challenge of our rival, and the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night, and he's watching us alllllllllllll with the eyeeeeee of the tiger! Doop! Doopdoopdoop!** Cantor Von heart the mental voice quite clearly. It was brash, and forthright, female, and seemed vaguely familiar, though he couldn’t really place it, and also was blissfully unaware that it was being heard. Von had the distinct impression that it would have been quite embarrassed if it knew. **Gotta pick up the pace. God, when did crawling get to be so hard on my knees and back? I’m not getting old, I’m not! I have to make it down there before everyone else. Gotta be impressive, a good CO should be like, I dunno, a god in the eyes of their unit. Ow, ow, ow, leg cramp. Maybe I shouldn’t have fought Jasmine before doing this. Maybe I should call Engineering and get a beam out. That way I could be sitting there waiting for them as fresh as a daisy, drinking I dunno, tea or coffee or something asking what took them so long. No, come on. You can do it old lady, you know this ship back to front. You can make it down there before any of those whippersnappers. You know all the shortcuts. Plus the new Engineering Chief is a jerk. Nearly make Asta cry. I should really give him a piece of my mind.**

Cantor Von tried to block out the mental voice, but it was persistent and quite loud. He couldn’t really hear any physical noise, so he still had no idea where the voice was coming from. He thought for a moment about asking the computer, but then decided that it would be more fun to find out on his own.

**Ew. Burp. I’m not eating that chicken pee sandwich again, that’s gross. It’s like burping up soap. Too many vegetables. And I don’t get why the woman went ballistic when I suggested that she just put some cheese and jalapenos on some sliced protein cubes for lunch. I’d even have let her put that squawk a mole stuff on it, and some salsa. That’s vegetables isn’t it? And protein cube nachos are my favorite anyway. Especially with that replicated cheese on it. Maybe if I go in when the Bynars are on shift, they’ll make it. Or I could make it myself. No, come on Kass. Focus! You gotta get to the Marine Barracks, and *then* you can think about food. Alrighty, slide down here-**

Ah. That’s why the mental voice sounded familiar- it was that of the Marine Major, although her mental voice has much less of an accent, which didn’t surprise him given she was surrounded by people speaking correct basic on a regular basis. He got to an entrance of a vertical shaft and leaned out, holding onto the rungs of the ladder, only to find a pair of combat booted feet hurtling down the shaft towards him. There was a perfectly synchronized mental and audible yelp from the Major, who tried to slow her descent as she slid down the ladder. With his ultra-fast reflexes, Von jerked backwards, out of her way, but this only served to confuse her more as she over corrected again and lost her grip on the ladder. There was a painful sounding conk as her face smacked into a rung and Von burst into action again to snatch her into the Jeffries tube and safety before she could fall further. She hit the deck like a bag of bricks and was still for a moment.

**^&#@%$^&#%$^&#%$^%#&^%#** Her cursing was inventive, over the top, and blistering, a cavalcade of nasty thoughts directed his way, questioning his parentage, his intelligence, and sexual virility in a rather impressive array of languages.

“What. The. Fuck. Are. You. Doing. Here. Dickbag?” Kassandra said, using the sleeve of her uniform to staunch the flow of blood from her nose. Von blinked, from what he’d heard of her, he’d rather expected what came out of her mouth to mimic what was in her head, but instead, she’d come out with a surprisingly restrained version of her actual thoughts. “Didn’t you see this area was reserved, you dumbshit?”

“Yes, but no reason was attached. You can’t just schedule large swathes of the ship off limits without a reason. I wanted to see what was going on.”

“Lieutenant Byte said it was okay, and I’ve always scheduled my Marines’ access to these tunnels before, and no one’s said boo to me,” Kassandra glowered at him. **Come on, try me Jerkwad. You wanna see who the biggest badass is here? Well, it’s me. No contest. You might be taller than me, and muscly, and- ooh, nice butt- No, Kass! You are pissed off at this guy, he nearly got you seriously injured, you broke your nose, and a nice, round ass is- Agh! This guy is a jerk! Focus. Oh. Oh crap. He is so not human. Shit. Betazoid. Oh crap. Can he hear me now? Oh god, he can hear me, I just know he can. My damn luck. How much has he heard. Goddammit.** Her expression didn’t waver, despite the panic in her brain. **Okay, think of something else, anything else, you did not ogle his butt or his six pa- Dammit girl, you need to get laid- not by him, you, whatever, dammit! Not that you’re- no, this is going downhill and fast. Gotta find a way to stop it. What if I punch him?**

“Lieutenant Byte was indisposed and unable to tell me why they were reserved, I’m Lieutenant Cantor Von,” Von said politely extending a hand out, eyeing her arm, not quite sure if her last thought was going to make it all the way through to action. He tried not to laugh or smile at her squirming discomfort, or at the fact that she was actively thinking about fluffy rabbits in costumes to avoid any more embarrassing mental monologues. “We met briefly during the holodeck malfunction, I believe. It’s nice to meet you in person.”

“I’d say the sabe, but I think I broke my doze, and you ruined by tibe,” Kassandra reached out her hand and shook his, tentatively. She was still thinking about rabbits. “Well, since it’s ruined anyway, you could at least accombany be to sickbay to get a pack for by doze.”

* * *=(/\)=* * *


NRPG: Phew. Longish post.


Marko: Tag, if you want. I thought it might be fun to torture poor Von with Kassandra's inner thoughts!


Tiffany/Jamie: I'll get in touch with you guys tomorrow about maybe a three person JP? It might be fun to set up a dynamic between Aerdan and Sofia as they deal with a problem patient (aka Kassandra, who has probably never done her medical, and doesn't want to do her medical)


Peter/Justin: I meant to get to your characters too, but this became a beast! Next post!


Alix Fowler as:


Kassandra Thytos

Marine Commanding Officer

Odd Duck

USS PHOENIX